How to Curry Favor with Bajira! 2009 Gift Guide [curry welcome]

In case you were wondering what Gojira wants for the holidays/Gojira’s national birthday, here’s a list from which you can pick and choose. And by you, Gojira doesn’t mean you, Gojira means them. Them, over there. Don’t you see them? That one, in the too-short pants. And that other one, with the little dog. A little more to the right. See them now? No, that’s Ed Begley Jr. and a cat. Further to the right. Got it? Good. Oh and a side glance at the really tall one all the way to the left: You have already given Gojira all the DVDs of Home Movies. Twice. Well, okay, there are some seasons you only gave Gojira once. So you could give Gojira those again, Gojira supposes.

As for Baji, her national birthday has already passed. But you could still get Baji something and with Eid falling on Black Friday, you are in luck. Yes, you the cranky one over there whose secret favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada. And you two little zouaves, trying to act all innocent and stumbly like newborn puppies. Even puppies can get jobs! Go forth and get puppy jobs and bring Bajira! some cash with which to buy goodies.

Gojira would like:

An 8GB iTouch because her Shuffle is on its last legs and has forgotten how to pause. Also because she would like to be able to look up words while on the go. Gojira cannot live with having to wait until she gets home to find out what a drupelet is. (And she is not going to just give away the answer by linking it, either, but she’ll give you a hint: It’s a small drupe.)

An immersion blender so Gojira can make butternut squash soup and also so Gojira can whip cream for her drupelets without getting whip creamer’s elbow.

Funky CB2 glasses.

Some shiny government insurance, please! One with extra abortions!

A new coat. Any suggestions? Must be medium-length (above the knee), tailored and ideally a fun color.

Isn’t this dress cute? But Gojira is concerned that it will clash with her scales.

A red carafe made of plastic so Dr. Clo can bat it to the floor with ease.

This book or that book so Gojira can keep her excessive joie de vivre in check.

Baji would like:

An 8GB iTouch but not the iPhone.  Baji already has a phone with Verizon (best for DC) and doesn’t want the ATT network (not so best for DC) and Baji doesn’t like talking on the phone anyway.  She just wants to be able to compare prices whilst shopping because she is nothing if not canjoose.

Assorted Kiehls products because Baji has a contradictory nature in that although she hates to spend money (see above), she doesn’t mind watching it wash down the drain on a daily basis (see attached).  “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” Walt Whitman (soon to be TP’s former employer).

A new coat similar in style to this one (grommets!  pirates with mutton liners!  stoners! ) but not so much with the “skinny fit” or the “hips 28” … Baji’s body has not quite returned to her pre-mother-of-two shape.

Adorable Lollibird mugs because although these kinds of mugs are in non-threatening apple green and pink and in sunny orange, they may scare off guests.  Then again, what guest of Baji’s would be put off by such a thing? Nary a one.  Therefore, also add robot monkey pirate bowls to your cart!  [note: although the bowls only have robots on them, all robots are robot monkey pirates in disguise]. You know, to go along with the mugs to complete the mismatched set.

Herbal slippers so Baji can stride purposefully around the house in the winter efficiently and effectively rather than hobbling over to the kitchen on her blocks of ice, taking the time to heat up the stove, boil some water, and scald her frozen tootsies in order to recover from the ill effects her ice chest of an office has on her extremities.

A new digital camera for capturing Zugzy Bugz’s and Mushkadoo’s antics for future enjoyment/blackmail/both.

Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooogan! Whether it was because of the jet lag, the altitude, the lack of any other choice, or a combination of all three, Baji found herself doubling over with laughter during one leg of a trip from the US to Pakistan when she first encountered him as Alan Partridge (sort of like the precursor to Ricky Gervais’s David Brent when it comes to uncomfortable situations made worse and worse with each attempt to make things right or to CHA).

Michael Chabon’s latest, because Baji exists to lend books to Gojira. And also because the cover is nice, although it looks a bit too much like Yiddish Policemen’s Union.  Even though she’s only a quarter of the way through this year’s “no buying new books” new year resolution, it doesn’t count if someone else buys books for her.

A brand-new show by Joss Whedon that won’t be constantly on the verge of cancellation and that will star Felicia Day. A brand-new show by Joss Whedon that will be constantly on the verge of cancellation and that will star Felicia Day is also acceptable.  An inclusion of “Firefly” in the title would be most appreciated as well.

And finally, for your rich uncle from your rich aunt (or vice versa; or LB and KG; or A or Z or A):

Alice in Wonderland–inspired tableware. Just because someone needs to have these.