Lina Banana

Met with my friend Lina Banana today. Haven’t seen her in years but our friendship is such that it was easy and instant as always. Sample dialogue:

[she shows me a pix of her son doing some water acrobatics on some device]
“What is that?”
“You don’t know what that is?”
“No, what is it?”
“I don’t know.”

[discussing her husband’s trips to Africa and her own fear of germs]
“So I told him that if I get Ebola, tell the boys I love them. Do you think CVS sells those masks with the filter that would protect me?”

I had arrived early/on time and she was running late. I told the hostess to make sure that when the bill came, give it to me and beware, my friend is tricky. We had lunch and I told the waiter to bring me the bill. Unfortunately, the message didn’t get across and since my back was to him, Lina saw him first and as fast as a cobra, she struck, grabbed the bill, and smirked. I smirked back and went to hand over my credit card to the waiter without the bill. She panicked and dove into her purse, throwing giant boxes of chocolates (gifts for LB and fam), scarves, and finally her wallet. I tried to block her escape but after accidentally groping her boob and stepping on her foot, I let her get away. We carried the fight over to the hostess. The other patrons watched our display. Elbows, legs, feet. No joke: I put her in a headlock.  Bony thing that she is, she squirmed out.
“You are causing a scene!”
“Of course I am! It’s me!”

[after the fight and I get a look at her wallet]
“That bag is hideous.”
“It’s Givenchy!”
“Still hideous.”
“It’s a limited edition!”
“Still hideous.”

Screen shot 2014-11-06 at 2.30.29 PM

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