Baji’s all guilt-trippin’ me about not posting enough on this here blog. If you are picturing me right now with my arms crossed, hands inside armpits, scowl on face and baseball cap on sideways, you are picturing me correctly. I post when I feel like it, son.
Anyway, here’s what happened to me this weekend, BAJI, since you’re such a demanding jerkstore: I got mugged by the Ocean. Bastage knocked me down, shoved my face into the sandy bottom, took my new Ray-Bans (that I would otherwise be wearing with my sideways baseball cap to complete the above-referenced look), my pony holder, my left contact lens, and, I realized after about a minute of looking everywhere for my Ray-Bans, set my bikini top askew. Like so askew as to render me momentarily even more French than usual.
Other things that happened to me this weekend: whole lobsters, piecemeal lobsters, lobsters doing downward dog, surfers, children with crow’s-feet, old-timey photography, Obama staff, freckles, Hamptons douchebags, smoke alarms that tell you when your bread is toasted, no-shirt-no-shoes-no-problem, my book thrown in the bushes, my book retrieved and thrown at my head, birdlike perching, parking-lot dancing, pie, and a human pyramid.
There may have been some wine. (See: human pyramid.)