Mugged

Baji’s all guilt-trippin’ me about not posting enough on this here blog. If you are picturing me right now with my arms crossed, hands inside armpits, scowl on face and baseball cap on sideways, you are picturing me correctly. I post when I feel like it, son.

Anyway, here’s what happened to me this weekend, BAJI, since you’re such a demanding jerkstore: I got mugged by the Ocean. Bastage knocked me down, shoved my face into the sandy bottom, took my new Ray-Bans (that I would otherwise be wearing with my sideways baseball cap to complete the above-referenced look), my pony holder, my left contact lens, and, I realized after about a minute of looking everywhere for my Ray-Bans, set my bikini top askew. Like so askew as to render me momentarily even more French than usual.

Other things that happened to me this weekend: whole lobsters, piecemeal lobsters, lobsters doing downward dog, surfers, children with crow’s-feet, old-timey photography, Obama staff, freckles, Hamptons douchebags, smoke alarms that tell you when your bread is toasted, no-shirt-no-shoes-no-problem, my book thrown in the bushes, my book retrieved and thrown at my head, birdlike perching, parking-lot dancing, pie, and a human pyramid.

There may have been some wine. (See: human pyramid.)

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4 responses to “Mugged

  1. CHEESE AND RICE! sorry to hear about the ocean-side mugging! you need to stick to more civilized bodies of water. may i suggest blue-tinted geothermal spas where your french proclivities are the norm?

  2. i’ve never been mugged by an ocean, but i have been confused by a mountain. never trust topography!

  3. jerk! i’m sorry you got mugged, and glad you’re ok!

    which ray bans?

  4. Oh, Iceland. Iceland would never mug anyone. You know I still think about Kaffitar? I just looked it up the other day hoping it might have opened a NY outpost. And Upyernoz, I too have been confused by a mountain. Scrambling up the side of Mt Sinai with friends, we were having a devil of a time and wondering how it was possible that upon arrival at the base we had seen boatloads of elderly people on their way back down. An hour in we found the steps.

    Lil B, they were Wayfarers with tortoiseshell frames and they were awesome. The first time I spend more (a lot more) than $10 and this happens.

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