You all wouldn’t let me buy these last time, will you let me buy them now that they’re by Cole Haan? Fortunately or unfortunately, I have in recent weeks purchased half of the Internet (the awesome half) and done so in such a successful fashion that I am now setting out to re-buy the awesome half of the Internet so that I have backups for when the original iterations of the half wear out.
The spending is a byproduct of working so much that I hardly saw the inside of my apartment for two weeks and didn’t have time to spend any money. (Those i’s don’t dot themselves, you know.) Never mind that I didn’t have time to put in any invoices and so don’t actually have any money. In theory, I have a great deal. There’s a malevolent billionaire out there holding on to it for me.
In between buying up the Web, I was also flitting in and out of most of the bookstores in the vicinity, looking wistfully at the books and thinking about the one I wanted to buy (which has been A Visit From the Goon Squad for an excessively long time). But I kept resisting because, as we know, I already have too many books I haven’t read, plus I’d already spent too much money on other stuff. I resisted so successfully, and so frequently, that I then decided to go to another bookstore and think about ALL of the books I would buy if I were buying books, which I most definitely wasn’t.
Then I went home and placed the mother of all Amazon orders. This makes me an asshole on two counts:
One: asshole to independent bookstores
Two: asshole to self
The Amazonians have not yet shipped my order, which in addition to all the books in the universe about emergency medicine, includes one truly awesome gift for Baji’s progeny, which I was really looking forward to playing with this weekend. Oh, yes, ladydudes, the reunification of Bajira is at hand. Children shall go unminded, Karl Pilkington shall be mocked, then revered, then mocked again, and leprechauns will be dusted off and forced to dance a fruity gig all for the glory of the newest member of our clan.
All your sushi is belong to us.