Conversations with my Grocery Clerk: Part Two

[this is what happens when you are looking down at your coupons and not scoping out who your clerk is until it is too late]

Lamont: “Are you making a cake or a pie?”

Me [quickly whipping out my cell phone as though it alerted me to a message even though, as everyone knows, I rarely have it on even when I leave the house]: “What?”

Lamont [gesturing to the clearly labeled Fleischmann’s Pizza Crust Yeast]: “Are you making a cake or a pie?”

Me [trying to look distracted as though listening to an important voicemail from last week even though I don’t even have a dial tone going yet]: “Ah, no, pizza.” [begin cursing self for bringing up anything cheese-related with this guy and then looking straight down at the ground to discourage any further discussion.  this works for a little while until I finally have to hang up or fake a conversation on the phone while simultaneously trying to swipe my cards and grab the bag].

Lamont [observing the coupons that got printed out in that small window of time between my fake phone call ending and my swift departure from the premises]: “You got a coupon for Payless!” [holds it out Vanna-White-style]  “You wear Payless shoes?”

Me [trying to use my Jedi mind tricks to get the stupid receipt to print out faster]: “Um, sometimes.”

Lamont: “I wear them all the time.  ALL the time.  This is a good coupon.”

Me: “Well, you can have it if you’d like.” [DAMNATION, BAJI!  now I’ve made myself memorable to him!  when will I learn?]

Lamont: “Areyousurethanks!”

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2 responses to “Conversations with my Grocery Clerk: Part Two

  1. I think the brain cells–and minutes of your life–lost on this conversation were nowhere close to being worth the money you saved with those coupons.
    Moral of the story: coupons are bad?

  2. you are correct re: brain cells/life minutes lost but i justified subscribing to the wapo by calculating that the delicious and savory coupons within save us more money than the cost of the newspaper itself. i can’t turn my back on the coupons now! i just need to be more vigilant around check out time. one time i tried to use the self-serve and they FORCED me to go to a clerk (and by ‘forced’ i mean ‘gestured extravagantly to the empty aisle where the clerk was bored out of her skull and eager to help’).

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