I was in the eighth grade when I was introduced to the sugar-coated-sugar-crystals known as Nerds. The first one I had was the grape/strawberry combo and to this day, it’s still the one I prefer. If I had my choice, however, I would only have strawberry. Grape and strawberry are not both favorites; I am only partial to strawberry. Oh, I’ll choke the grape ones down, but pink is the way to go. When Halloween rolled around a few years ago, I noticed that stores were selling large bags filled with miniboxes of grape and miniboxes of strawberry and my dream had been realized. I hoarded and devoured the strawberry while passing off the lesser grapes to unwitting trick-or-treaters. SUCK IT, SPIDERMAN!
The situation suited me nicely until I started realizing that the distribution of the flavors was not equal. Invariably, there were more boxes of grape than there were strawberry. Was it a manufacturing decision or did I gobble up the strawberry so quickly that it just seemed there were less present? Disgruntled but too incapable of movement after the sugar coma, I forgot about the injustice until the next Halloween rolled around. THIS year, however, I decided to conduct a scientific study and report my results for the public’s edification.
TEST ONE (conducted by my cousin): 10 strawberry, 17 grape
TEST TWO (conducted by me): 10 strawberry; 18 grape
I was ready to stop there (I do have a dentist appointment coming up after all) but in the interest of science, I decided to go for an even odd three.
TEST THREE (conducted by me): 23 strawberry; 17 grape.
UN-BE-FRAKKIN-LIEVABLE! Clearly this was a mutant package (how are there 10 more boxes than the previous results in the first place?) and should just be thrown out lest it skews the statistics. If you happen to give Nerds away this Halloween, please report your findings so that we can publish the results in whichever prestigious scientific journal will take them.