In Which I Wonder What Was Wrong With Me

I spent a goodly amount of time creating culinary masterpieces (read: good eats) this long weekend.  Sour cream chocolate chip cake (inspiration?  TP experiencing a grocery shopping trip FAIL by mistakenly picking up a tub of sour cream instead of a tub of cottage cheese).  Homemade salsa (with ZP now fully trained as a cilantro leaf picker).  Spanish Tortilla (natch).   The usual desi compendium of dishes (helpful hint: daal not spicy enough for ya?  toss in some homemade salsa!).   As I simultaneously rubbed my belly and patted myself on the back (no mean feat), I thought back to the days when my palate was not so refined.  I cannot believe that, as a youth, I used to love:

  • Chef Boyardee Pizza
  • Lik-m-aid (aka Fun Dip)
  • White rice with ketchup (later graduated to white rice with soy sauce)
  • Kraft’s Macaroni and Cheese (long before it held the title of “The Cheesiest”)
  • Country Crock Butter … correction, Spread
  • Kraft’s Singles Cheese … correction, Cheese Product
  • Cinnamon Toast (take one slice of bread, toast it, slather it with butter, sprinkle with cinnamon and dump about a cup of sugar on it; balance precariously as you bring it to your mouth so as not to spill the mound of sugar on top)
  • Atomic Fireballs (which, if eaten today the way I did then, would shatter my teeth)
  • McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish (my only choice until they stopped frying their french fries in animal fat/lard and then, oh, glorious day)
  • Tostitos Hint of Lime chips (tore the hell out of the tender lining of my mouth when I didn’t know when to say ‘when’)
  • Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats (wherein I would deftly scrape all of the wheat portions off and just eat the curved shell of sugar)
  • Lipton’s Cream of Chicken Cup-a-Soup (which I would share with my friend through each winter of our high school career with my contribution being cheese sandwiches prepared with Kraft’s Singles — see above)
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6 responses to “In Which I Wonder What Was Wrong With Me

  1. TP’s FAIL is a WIN. Cottage cheese is foul and sour cream is glorious. Amen.

    I cannae believe you ever ate white rice with ketchup, and the Kraft macaroni is something I cannae believe they have tricked anyone into eating. But I confess I find Kraft singles absolutely delicious. You know what is the best ever, though? Lipton Onion Dip: the dried onion soup packet mixed with 16 ounces of sour cream. Do not–repeat, do not–ever use low-fat sour cream or you will be ruined.

  2. tp’s fail is a fail b/c ap eats cottage cheese but is not inclined to dine on sour cream.

    the white rice + ketchup combo was particular to visits to the homeland where the authentic desi food was overwhelming to my sugar-heavy tastebuds. but really, there is no excuse.

    i am hesitant to rely on your lipton recommendation. recall: i witnessed your consumption of blood pudding.

    aside: tp claims he knows the real reason for your online absence …

  3. He is the second person today to insinuate that!

  4. this is a good one.

  5. lb – that’s b/c you were right there alongside me eating these horrid dishes! “this guy knows what i’m talking about. THIS guy DEFINITELY knows what i’m talking about!”

  6. i take it back. if not for tp’s sour cream mix up, i would not have discovered ‘sour cream chocolate chip cake’ which has fast become one of my favorite desserts to make and eat.

    on a sad note, vaccaro’s (our excellent cannoli source) has closed its DC branches. looks like you need to visit us stat.

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