The Follicles Chronicles

In today’s belt-tightening, penny-pinching (seriously, is that a drop of blood I just squeezed out of Lincoln’s lip?) recessionary world, everyone has advice on how to save money: barter (with LB as your steely-eyed negotiatrix), shop the ethnic food aisle (hmm, I might try that … as I have been doing so for FOREVER!), make a new bar of soap by squeezing all your little soap slivers together.  After twenty, yes, twenty years of long hair, I think I’m going to take the plunge and get shorn.  “But, Baji!” you might exclaim, “your hair is so thick and beautiful!” to which I might respond, “Why, thank you!  That is so sweet of … ” and then you interrupt with, “And you’ll look like you are wearing a helmet, especially because you won’t take the time to style it every day!” to which I will take great offense, put you ON NOTICE, and throw dagger chappals at your head.

What does cutting your hair have to do with cutting your costs?  I submit that having short hair has, at minimum, the following cash-saving perks:

  • You won’t spend as much money replenishing your fancy shampoos and conditioners because they will last much longer.  Downside: standing in the shower is the only quiet time I get in the day and any curtailing of shower-time has its consequences.
  • The time you save washing shorter hair can be spent being a productive member of society by getting to work earlier.  Granted, in my case the issue is moot because time is fluid when it comes to my work but maybe it’s pertinent to your job.  Or, if you don’t have a job, your job-search.  Or, if you don’t fall into either of those categories, your blog-search.
  • You won’t waste your money on those puny rubberbands or ponytail holders that CLAIM to be able to contain thick hair but haven’t tangled with the likes of desi/mujahideen hair.
  • Cut down on house-cleaning costs and time resulting from strands of long hair mingled with dust bunnies found under the couch and bed or morphed into suds rodents (not nearly as cute as dust bunnies) that get clogged in the drain.
  • Dramatic decrease in medical bills when running outside without drying your hair properly in the winter results in icicles forming on your head and, in turn, results in hypothermia!
  • If it comes out badly, avoid visits to the money-grubbing salons to let it grow back and in the meantime, you can just toss your head a lot.

An added bonus is that I think I’ll juuuuust meet the 10″ requirement that Locks of Love sets on the hair donated for
children’s hair prosthetics.  Sorry, Pavement, I think I am (assuming my nerve holds up) going to go and cut my hair.

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10 responses to “The Follicles Chronicles

  1. Wow did I really say it would look like a helmet? That’s so mean/hilarious! I’m sure it was because I was rushing to make my point because you were running out of the room to chase a kid.

  2. this also made me chuckle:

    “drying your hair properly ”

    as if.

  3. There is a flaw in your reasoning here, Baji. You will have to wash your short hair MUCH more often. Trust me, as an infrequent hair washer who also has mujahideen hair (I once tried to put a barrette in it and it broke and shot across the room), I know these things.

    But I still think you should do it. Change is fun. Get yourself some layers, and ask them to thin it out so it will feel lighter. Lil B, are you going to supervise this process or do I need to get on Amtrak?

  4. I plan to supervise but would be happy to have a co-stylist. Let’s brainstorm…

  5. lb – you didn’t say that part but it’s amusing that your guilty conscience makes you think you did. as for drying, maybe the super-absorbent towel will actually live up to its name once i have short hair!

    gj – wash my hair more than once a day? doubt it. the shower timing is re: length of time spent in there on a daily basis. also, ap manages to go a day or two w/o shampoo so maybe i can too. i’ll experiment. you know, in the name of science. ‘mommy, you stink!’ ‘well, honey, that’s the smell of science!’

  6. people with thick, dark hair usually don’t need to wash their hair more than every four days or so. washing dries out your hair and poofs it, so if you space out your shampoos you’ll find that the mujahideen factor is significantly tempered on days 2 through 4. try it out.

  7. Thus far, hardcore conditioners have been in my arsenal of weapons against poofiness but I’ll try yr approach.

  8. water bill! i forgot to mention the water bill. ah well.

  9. Tip for dry hair:
    Warm up a 1/4 cup regular Olive oil in microwave for 15 seconds.
    Thoroughly rub oil into hair roots.
    Wear shower cap over head. Keep on all night or during the day if you’re not going anywhere:)
    Wash off with a heaped teaspoon of Epsom salt added to your shampoo to exfoliate dead skin. Condition as usual.
    Repeat once a month….
    My ,what beautiful ,luxuriant, shiny hair you have !

  10. thx for the beauty tip! will try it when you get here (b/c i don’t own a shower cap and am not about to go out and buy one which means it’ll have to be a daytime thing which is just as well b/c you KNOW we aren’t going anywhere).

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