Consumer Report’s Guide to Up-Chuck-It Buckets

Granted, the search for “best vomit receptacles” does not garner many Google hits; but, then again, isn’t that precisely why this blog exists?  You don’t want to wait until the last minute to contemplate and choose the perfect puke pail so after careful deliberation and testing, the following comparison guide has been prepared for your edification.  Please review the options and you can thank me later.

1.  En Plein Air.  Cost: $0.00.  This money-saving gem was tested by the intrepid AP no less than four times in a single night.

Pros: Absolutely free; no movement required; most probably endorsed by dirty hippies and liberals.

Cons: Guaranteed risk of getting sputum in hair; requires hazmat teams with specialized protective suits and toxic spill equipment to decontaminate bedding, clothing, and general vicinity; required accessory of a washing machine can be cost-prohibitive.

2.  Ziploc Snap ‘n Seal (large).  Cost: $3.99 (originally $25.99).  Perhaps because “Ziploc” is a perfectly good nickname to add to ZP’s roster of nicknames, ZP tested this item on two occasions – once with help, once on his own.

Pros: Inexpensive (although, for real savings, consider the Barf Buddy for $1.99); supremely portable and suitable for all ages; stain resistant and dishwasher safe; unlike the Barf Buddy, serves dual purpose for food storage after the pall of sickness has evaporated and we’ve forgotten which container was used to catch the gorge.

Cons: Although it holds 9.5 cups, best not to fill it to the top; shallow container not recommended for heavy loads or for people who spew upon smelling emesis in the first place (one’s own or anyone else’s).

3.  Eau de Toilette. Cost: Anywhere from $60 to $19 million.  This favorite of frat boys everywhere, TP tested the porcelain throne – once on his own; once sharing with ZP.

Pros: Traditional, classic, timeless; sturdy gripping area; space-age flushability app; most likely to be accompanied by soothing, cool tiles upon which to rest your fevered cheeks after a round of retching.

Cons: Fixed location and not always accessible; hard on the knees; when shared, high risk of bile binging chain-reaction reactions (see vid below).

4.  Rubbermaid Wastebasket.  Cost: $12.89 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping!  Consumer Report’s top pick and highly recommended by yours truly after four clinical and rigorous tests.

Pros: Just as portable as the Ziploc but also capable of being used as a hands-free device (which is an added bonus when you have long hair, glasses, or both and are trying to hurl over the side of the bed); sturdy but flexible construction allows for hugging while heaving; deep container relieves mind of worry that it will fill up too quickly and relieves nose of stench of own sick.

Cons: Requires washing after each use; potential of getting kicked over and spilling contents when user attempts to run to the bathroom for spillage from the other side

Hope you found this guide helpful and informative.  For a video demonstration of how our weekend was spent when the stomach flu hit all four of us, please enjoy:


4 responses to “Consumer Report’s Guide to Up-Chuck-It Buckets

  1. Now this is what I call service journalism!

    I love that the Barf Buddy can come “pre-loaded.”

  2. You definitely inherited your good humor and brilliant choice of topics to write about from your Nanaji!

  3. Ohhhhhhh. Sympathetic queasiness from here.

  4. i aim to please. and gross out. if i can do both at the same time, i’m that much the happier.

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