Are you feeling hobbled by happiness? Stifled by serenity (no, not that one)? Choked by cheerfulness? Oppressed by optimism? Alarmed by alliteration?
Have I got a solution for you! Step right up and watch David Simon, a former reporter for the Baltimore Sun and the creator of The Wire, talk about how America doesn’t care about black people (redux! times a million! I mean, times 8.8 million!):
Now, if you’re trying to get back to your happy place, might I suggest a donation to LEAP (Law Enforcement Against Prohibition), an organization that aims to educate the public about the high cost—in financial as well as human terms—of the failed “war on drugs,” or a treatment from Dr. Roti “Hawkeye” Paratha and his trusty sidekick, Nurse Nutella? (I recommend both.)
Oh, crap, I just called my health insurance provider and it turns out that Dr. Paratha isn’t in my network. I’m going to have to spend $2,000 out of pocket on parathas before I qualify for any reimbursements. That’s about 1,183 packages of parathas or 5,915 individual parathas. Does anyone out there have 591 and a half jars of nutella on hand?
Hat tip: Graxenheimerschnitzel the Third