“I’m running out … of excuses” [Whiskey, Dollhouse]

Today, I ran out of excuses.  Ramadan is over. The flu/cold we passed around in our family has run its course.  The dark chocolate birthday cake with chocolate chip and cream cheese frosting has been eaten.  The “I just had a baby” excuse expired about a year ago.  Some of my favorite clothes went out the door with my cousins because they didn’t fit me anymore and never will (was I ever so scrawny?  apparently so).  My gym membership has grown dusty with disuse and although I plan on getting back there before it expires at the end of the year, I suspect that my mortal enemy known as “old man winter” will keep me indoors before too long.  I be up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness some day but w ith today being the first of the month, I decided to get motivated and start the 30 day shred dvd that I borrowed from LB.

The trainer is Jillian Michaels who, according to the introduction, stars in the show “The Biggest Loser” which I have never seen and never will.  My TV viewing time is severely limited as it is and anything that remotely smacks of reality goes down to the bottom of the heap for me.  I get enough reality in my real life.  I popped the dvd in and braced myself.  If her muscular nostrils and angry eyezbowz are any indication of how fierce a trainer she is, I’m already scared.  The good thing is that each set of exercises or circuits are only a few minutes long (three or two or one depending on the level) so the end of each always seems near.  The bursts of movement are mixed up to keep it interesting and there are two minions behind her to follow: the buff, hard-core athletic one and the equally buff, hard-core athletic one with the slightly modified versions for the rest of us.  The bad thing is that there is no downtime at all.  No moment to catch your breath, to stretch, to quench your Sahara-like thirst.

Thus far, the only things that feel shredded are my lungs.

Notes to self:
  • do jumping jacks downstairs where the 100 year old support beams maybe be sturdier than the ones on the second level.
  • wait until everyone is out of the house so as to avoid feeling self-conscious when the house starts shuddering more than I am and when you can hear my labored breathing in the farthest reaches of the house.
  • wear sneakers during the workout so as not to lose your already precarious balance and slip on the Persian carpet and bloody it up with your cracked and empty skull.

So, thirty day shred means once every thirty days, right?

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2 responses to ““I’m running out … of excuses” [Whiskey, Dollhouse]

  1. I have a lot of things to say:

    1. A pox on you for linking to a woman responsible for the words “Bitches on my dick, oh, no, they on my dildo!” I cannot cope with Fergie’s existence.

    2. Guess what Gojira loves even more than Big Brother? Biggest Loser, of course! It’s reality, plus math! What’s not to love? I am here to tell you that Jillian Michaels (though I like her on the show) is not the trainer for you, in real life or on DVD.

    3. Yoga or Pilates, lady. Yoga or Pilates. You might try the (free!) exercise videos on Hulu. Some are only 10 minutes (in fact, Jillian Michaels has some on there that are 2 minutes). There are also some on Netflix on demand.

    4. If you are anything like me (which you are, whether you like it or not), you do not have the self-discipline or the self-dislike to work out at home or at the gym. You must go to classes, where you will be too polite to leave early and where there will be no opportunity to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians while standing stock still on the treadmill, which is how I spent most of my brief dalliance with a gym.

    5. Whiskey’s note was hilarious and I hope she makes out with Boyd soon.

    6. The concept of betterment is anathema to this blog. Please post something cromulent under worsement or I will feel out of balance for a week.

  2. 1. oh my. *clutching pearls* why did you share that with unsuspecting old me?!

    2. i shoulda known. i was just telling someone about how much i love your visits b/c you are so low-maintenance that you’re happy sitting on the couch watching Celebrity Poker.

    3. i might netflix yoga but you’ve SEEN my little mousehole of an office/computer room. my downward facing dog would end up with a file cabinet up my bum. pass.

    4. you are completely correct in your assessment of me being like you in those regards, but you forgot our main similarity: being more skinflint than the skinflintiest scot ever. classes = $$$. bah!

    5. agreed. also, i really hope that wasn’t jaime bamber’s one and only appearance.

    6. it’s horrid, i know. the universe will be set to rights soon. stay tuned.

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