Bajira!

Monday Morning Comedy Jam: Jen Kirkman

baji — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:44:43 +0000

Borgasmord

baji — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:24:10 +0000

TP and I spent an unreasonable amount of time scouring the interwebs for a video of the famous (but apparently not famous enough) Mason Reese commercial for Underwood Ham’s Deviled Ham in which he “adorably” mispronounces the word “smorgasbord”. Guess we have to wait until the hipsters decide to unearth that gem and post it online before we can relive/revile it.

Friday Afternoon Music Jam: Wilco

baji — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 17:30:52 +0000

Although this may be my favorite Wilco tune and this may be my favorite Tweedy tune.

Love, InshAllah

baji — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:24:10 +0000

Congrats to the lovely Yasminay, Mr. Yasminay, and Lil Lemon (not to be confused with Liz Lemon) on their wedding! I might have included this book in your wedding present collection except, you know, you already have an advanced copy since you wrote one of the pieces in it. May you share a blessed life together full of sunshine, laughter, squeezy hugs, yazcream sodas, chapli kebab, gelato, and a full brace of stabby utensils.

Ha’py Barrrrthday, Robbie

baji — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 15:01:01 +0000

Ahhh, lovely. Oh. And, you too, Gojira! It’s tomorrow over there, right?

“The Hell?” Files

baji — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:39:01 +0000

In a pathetic attempt to stay abreast of fashion phenomena, I was perusing Zappos to learn what, exactly, was so special about Frye boots. When I heard it discussed among a group of friends, some of whom are crawfish broil/boil/bake/whateveryoudowithcrawfish experts, my immediate assumption was that “fry boots” were specialized footwear one wore while frying. Clearly I watch too much Spongebob.

Mr. Krabs: Ordinary boots? These are the only official fry cook boots! Only the finest fry cooks in the world are permitted to wear them! Part of a tradition. And these boots were given to me by the most famous fry cook in the sea.

SpongeBob: Who’s that?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, uhh, oh, well, his name’s not important, but he was famous all right, don’t you worry.

Anyway. My research complete, I started looking for a new pair of athletic shoes for myself and filtering by price brought me these.

Capezio Foot Undeez. Yeah, I can read the product description as well as anyone but still. The hell?

128 Word Recommendation: Salted Caramel Hot Cocoa Mix

baji — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:35:54 +0000

It is freezing cold and even the paltry inch of snow is enough to make me want to burrow under a fortress blankets with something to read, something to watch, and something hot to drink. Enter, stage right, Starbucks® Salted Caramel Hot Cocoa Mix. Not as cloying as some hot chocolate drinks and not as insulting as some mixes which offer the choice of adding hot water, this magical blend of sweet and salt and heat warms the cockles of my belly. Oh, sure, I’ve had some Maxim’s de Paris cocoa mix imported by my friend. And Oprah/Pam has some interesting recommendations that I’d like to try some day. But this mix is conveniently offered in the grocery store a stone’s throw away from my front door. Sold.

Friday Afternoon Music Jam: Alison Krauss

baji — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:20:24 +0000

Small Talk [and early Monday Morning Comedy Jam]

baji — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:55:04 +0000

It has been a while since I have engaged in small talk. Winter is here and there is none of the ‘getting to know you but really your kids’ chat bandied about in the playground because we scurry home before the sun sets and the temperature drops to below freezing in a blink. I never socialized much before I was married-with-kids and now do so even less. Apparently, small talk is a skill that rusts over when it is not used frequently. Sort of like the head waggle (which I tried to teach ZP yesterday) or sleeping through the night.

I attended a friend’s reception by myself the other night (sans hubby and kids) and met a whole bunch of new folks – a whole bunch of very young, very familiar with each other, very sprightly folks. I had forgotten how to answer simple questions such as “what do you do?” (old answer: “I’m an attorney with the US Patent and Trademark Office”; new answer: “petty bureaucrat”), “where do you live?” (DC. No, not the one in Virginia. Nope, not in Maryland either. The other one.), “where are you from originally?” (Jeffersonville/Louisville/St. Louis but I’ve been here for fifteen frakkin’ years now!), “who are you?” (nobody, really, let me eat my walnut-stuffed dates and drink my chai and go!). Even harder were the on-the-spot questions that require a lengthy response which I have not yet learned to tailor.

Example: “So, how do you know [the bride]?” Real answer: “Well, I had a blog and another girl had a blog and we became blogging buddies and then we became flickr buddies and she “introduced” me to one of her flickr buddies and one day, that buddy sent an email out to everyone asking if anyone could help out her sister who was moving to DC. I said, ‘yes’.” New answer: “It’s a long story.”

Example: (after the invariable discussion about the differences between patents and trademarks) “Do you have any cool trademark applications you can talk about?” Real answer: “I have been dubbed “The Cheese Queen” for my ability to draw cheese-related marks and for my stellar and persuasive cheese-related briefs I wrote for the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board.” New answer: “Hunger Games”.

Example: “Why are you leaving so early?” Real answer: “I’ve been up since before dawn, getting my family organized and out the door, working, doing laundry, getting groceries, paying the bills, ordering stuff, cancelling stuff, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a household.” New answer: “I have two kids.”

Wednesday One-Liner

baji — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:28:09 +0000

I am finally descaling my Nespresso Essenza and am comfortable with the fact that I am doing so after six years rather than the recommended six months.